The Quiet Redefinition of Excellence: Priority, Purpose, and Community
A new friend stood on my front porch with her toddler. As I walked to answer the knock, I noticed a cobweb hanging from the ceiling light. Not being tall enough to jump and bring it down as I passed, I had to leave it. In the early days of parenting, things like this really bothered me. I felt guilty when the house wasn’t perfectly clean. I was convinced that if my husband had dusted, he would have done it all the way, with excellence. He never made me feel that way; it was my own critical inner dialogue.
But God is gracious. He gently led me out of guilt and condemnation. Early on, I knew that raising godly adults was my purpose in parenting. To live out that purpose, I had to let go of many of the details of housekeeping. My priorities had to align with my God-given purpose. I learned that teaching opportunities with open little hearts are rare and those have to be given priority over the ever present cleaning opportunities in a home with children.
There is definitely a time for working with excellence. But there is also a time for just getting it done.
Spending time with other Moms, some ahead of me in the journey and some who were just getting started, helped me clarify my purpose. I also saw real homes, where stacks of mail litter countertops and little handprints smudge the windows. I am thankful that seeing social media’s curated “reality” wasn’t part of my early parenting years. I had to learn from my time with the Lord, from friends, and from trial and error. It didn’t take long to learn that if I spent too long on a project around the house, I might end up with a chair covered in permanent marker and a toddler in need of a bath.
Waking up very early to pray and study my Bible became a source of peace and strength for me. It would have been easy to slide back into the self-critical talk on the many days that lack of sleep kept me from sitting down to read the Bible. Nursing babies and sick toddlers change your plans. I trusted the Lord to be with me. His character doesn’t change, and He deals gently with those with young ones (I reminded myself of this truth from Isaiah 40:11 often). Prayer throughout the day was a lifeline. I started the day with my children reading the Bible together at breakfast as much for my benefit as theirs.
The workday for a stay at home parent does not end. Even when you aren’t actively working, you are on call 24 hours a day. It would be unsustainable to be at 100% effort all of that time.
Clarifying your priorities and discerning the best place to put your available energy is vital.
Finding community was so helpful as a Mom with many young children. I found accountability and encouragement with others who had similar goals. Counting on my sisters in Christ to pray for me and having the privilege of praying for them was an essential part of being a Mom. My youngest child is now in college and my priorities, purpose, and community are changing. I trust that the Lord who was faithful to lead me then, will still lead me now.
